Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
