I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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