can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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