i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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