mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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