i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
