I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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