OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
