I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
