I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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