So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
