They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize