I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
