My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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