so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
