help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
