Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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