So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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