ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
