I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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