i'm signing you up for texting rehab
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
