I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
