Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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