Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
