then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
