he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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