He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
