i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
