I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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