"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
honey bunches of taint.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize