One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
