What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
