I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We don't watch enough power rangers
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
