I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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