I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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