don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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