I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
