Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
