i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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