My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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