i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
