I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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