I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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