I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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