Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
