I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
