Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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