the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
