dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
