umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
