When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
