u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
