Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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