i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I intend to get homeless drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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