I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
