i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
