Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
