see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
