she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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