ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pooping to opera.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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