Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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