We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
