I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
