Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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