i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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