I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
