you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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