note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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