Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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