I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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