i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
