Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
