apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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