im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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