After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
