Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
