Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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