dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
