Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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