so that wasnt chicken after all
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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