I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
