Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
