the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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