I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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