At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i came on her dog
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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