every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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