I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
