That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
