Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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