I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
