Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
