Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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