Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
