the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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