heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize