Don't make out with my wife yet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize