Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
