Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
