a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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