I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You're like the curious george of whores
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
