I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
